Better. Not great, but better.

I'm still feeling a little vulnerable, but less so than a couple days ago. Thanks for the good vibes. I really think that they helped.

It also helps that I have removed a little stress from my life: I have decided to stop freelancing. While the money was good, it wasn't consistent. The work is difficult, time consuming, frustrating and if the grant isn't awarded then the client see you as the one that failed them and not that there is a significant amount of competition for very little money in the current economy. If I'm going to be a good mother for my child and a happy, well-functioning adult for myself and my husband, I can't be carrying around all the guilt and stress that - for me - comes with these deadlines and expectations. Looking back on my business education, I remember doing cost/benefit analysis for many a class project. The emotional cost of this work was much greater than the financial benefit.

Though, I have to say, I'm a little sad to see it go. I feel like I'm losing the last bit of my former life. The one where I worked for the greater good. Well, I'm choosing to think of it this way: raising my boy to be a good human being is a contribution to the greater good. It is the hardest, worst-paying, least-appreciated (by society. J appreciates my work) and most rewarding job I have ever had or could ever imagine.