Christy needs to Blog: Terror in the heart of a mother

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Terror in the heart of a mother

ETA: The following is an over-tired freak out of a pregnant woman. Things are fine this morning after a little more sleep. I'll tell you my theories later...

I've lived this charmed life. When I was three, my brother died of leukemia and I have always felt like God was making that up to my parents by giving me a charmed life. I know it doesn't really work that way, but it's kind of how I have felt.

I had wonderful friends throughout my childhood who, despite all being Military families like ours, never moved until we went to college. The university that I wanted accepted me and got a scholarship that made it possible for me to actually attend. The love of my life and I worked on the school newspaper together and I was fortunate enough to meet him at just 18 and marry him at 22. When school was over, I had good jobs. One where I met one of my dearest friends and another where I felt like I was actually making a difference in the lives of others. I became pregnant when I wanted - or close to it - both times. When the time came for me to go back to work after the boy was born, I knew it was temporary and would be able to stay home with him in a few months just as I desired to do. I'm blessed to be living in a home of our own and in a financially secure situation right now.

Do you see how I might, just might be waiting for the other shoe to drop?

Last week, the boy was sick. Nothing major - minor fever, coughing, runny nose and an aches in his knee. The last of these I attributed to his fever and didn't worry about. Until about an hour ago (4 a.m. on April 1) when he woke screaming. I went to him and he said "My knee hurts so bad! Will you hold me?" Of course, I held my child. My sturdy, strong, beautiful, smart child who I can't imagine living without. My child who I'm terrified will share the same sad and devastating fate as his uncle.

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posted by MamaChristy at 2:52 AM | 2 comments | links |